bits of dreams

I am walking in falcon and at a house down an embankment is a party, a fashion or movie launch? Joan Rivers is announcing the red carpet. I have a specially made hat. Tamika is there and she is the only one who messages me to say she likes it. I keep walking and I'm walking into D's street with D who is pushing a pram. She goes into labour and has the baby on the street. A neighbour comes to help and all the kids are wailing. I run into the house to get a towel. When I come out the baby is born (I looked away during the labour bit. No way I'm watching that!) It is all covered in gunk and wrapped in E's blanket. E is screaming, so I wrap her up in the towel and cuddle her. D walks inside with the baby, but she bleeds all over the floor. I think she is hemorrhaging, (omg, I spelled that right first try!) but she says it's normal. I want to call an ambulance. She has gotten slimy stuff and blood all over her carpet. I. comes and takes her and the baby to the hospital, even though she insists she doesn't have to go. The neighbour and I stay home with the kids, who are all screaming – C and E are hysterical because their mum is not there. The neighbour begins to clean up the carpet with a rag and a wine glass of water. I throw up and retch a lot because it's so disgusting. I cough up phlegm into the sink and feel bad for throwing up in front of the children. When I wake up I'm still retching.

In a shed. There is a growling dog at the door. I approach it and tell it to be nice. It starts wagging it's tail and bouncing around. I suggest we call it loopy. Everyone else in the shed, K and a few other people are angry that I have made the dog crazy and jumpy.

A courtroom. I am sitting in the middle, trying to hide from the judge. I am a bad lawyer, a prankster. I am sitting with two friends, also in disgrace. The head judge acknowledges we are there with some caustic comments, but I refuse to show my face. The judge feeds a mint to his beagle, who chokes on it slowly and dies. The judge refuses to get it out of it's mouth and everyone is horrified – it was HIS beagle. I don't watch. Later on, I hear a voice over in my head that the judge didn't mean to kill his dog. The dog was meant to swallow the mint or spit it out, but he could hardly stuff his hand down a dogs throat in the middle of court and he is really upset that the dog is dead and thinks it was a stupid thing for him to do. A black man apologises to the judge, sincerely. He is an underling, taking a message or something. The judge is in a garden, where pinky flowers on a vine are rapidly choking everything else.

Someone in the shed is suicidal and Jason from True Blood laughs them off. When we go inside, I see out the window that they have tried to hang themselves from a tree in the front yard, but have become tangled in the rope really high up. I scream at Jason and tell him to go and help him, but Jason is of the opinion that if he's stupid enough to try and hang himself he deserves to die. I force him outside to help, but he starts yelling at the guy (who is Russell Brand now) and telling him he's stupid. I yell out the window at him and he comes to the window and yells back, calls me a whore. Other people are trying to find branches long enough to reach russell so they can climb up. It's a stupid plan. I go outside with a pair of scissors and tell Russell that I'll put them in the tail of the rope and he can pull them up and cut through the rope above him. I warn him that because he is so far up, it will hurt when he lands. I walk off before he says anything, but I've shoved the scissors in between the weaves of the rope. I cover my ears, but I still here him cry out when he hits the ground. I am mad at everyone, I keep walking and refuse to listen. I go back inside – it's the wet area of my Year 7 class. I pause before going into the classroom. I can see Russell lying on the ground and I rest my head against the door and think how glad I am he's alive and seems mainly unharmed. I think I love him a bit. Then a girl comes over and starts kissing him and he kisses her back and announces they should get married. This just pisses me off and I go inside thinking “I didn't save him to marry HER”. Inside I lie on the dirty carpet and just want to weep or sleep. I ask a fat black woman and her assistant to make me hot for the ball, but I can't find the right balance between slutty and sexy. I try on a cream tail coat with black piping and the split in the tails comes right up to show a ruffled skirt underneath. It's nice, but not perfect. Then I wake up.